REMEMBERING WHO I AM
Lessons Learned In The Wilderness
This is my story about discovering the truth of my being. My often stumbling journey took me on a path for which there was no operating manual, but I had some guides who helped me find my way. Traveling a spiritual superhighway which crossed boundaries of traditional beliefs and habits of the past, I leapt beyond the limits of what I thought possible.
My interest in spiritual matters led me to self-healing and my own spiritual awakening. Coming out of the wilderness of a rigid form of Christianity, I awakened to the real truth of what my life is all about. The point of a life journey isn’t whether or not we’ve fallen down but whether or not we’ve learned how to get back up.
For me, wandering in the wilderness meant not having a home or place to belong. I did find my way home... wounded, but richer for the journey by learning to see things from a new perspective.
The most important lesson I’ve learned is that the truth was within me all along. Living from my authentic self has dramatically improved the quality of my life every day.
I share what I’ve learned with the hope that others can use my experience to help transform their own lives.
When you purchase the book, send me a copy of the receipt or photo picture of you with the book, and you will be given a gift of a 30 minute healing session! Send to [email protected]
To order the book click here:
To order the book click here:
Read An Excerpt From The Book:
One day without any notice, instead of walking home from school, we were met by Mother, in the car, to pick up the three of us. We questioned why on such a nice day we would be picked up. Then before Mother could even answer we spotted the bags in the back. That’s when we looked at each other with horror in our eyes. Obviously, this was D-day the inevitable was happening.
Mother motioned for us to get into the car. June blurted out the question stirring in all of our minds. “Mother why are you picking us up from school? Are you taking us to that state home and leaving us there like orphans?”
I screamed out in rebellion, “I’m not going, you can’t make me go! I like my friends and this school. I could live with someone else.” Candice couldn’t talk; she just kept crying and crying.
Mother pointed to her throat to let us know that she couldn’t talk loud. Then in a whispery voice she said, “You girls will be fine; I’ve checked out the home and it is really nice. You will like the facility and I’ll be able to get well, and then come and take you home.”
I remember sitting in the back seat of the car all scrunched up. I could feel myself shutting down and becoming angry. I realized I was sliding into survival mode. I didn’t know where this state children’s home was located, but I remember back then, it being a very long drive. I knew this had to be the place when we entered a massive brick gateway that led to very large grounds.
We approached a rather long and wide brick building. I wiped away the hot tears that had been running down my face the whole trip, as we reluctantly got out of the car.
An older girl greeted us and escorted us down the long hallway to the reception area, which separated the girl's and boy's side of the building. There stood behind the desk an older charismatic very tall woman, with a wide curvy figure and unruly gray hair. She asked Mother to sign us girls in, and told the older girl to show us around.
We must have arrived at dinnertime, because the dining hall was filled with loud clanging sounds of dishes, and noisy voices of the other children. We were shown our dorm room, which was filled with 30 to 50 beds lined up in rows against both walls. Beside each bed was a locker in which we could keep our personal items.
We were then escorted back to the reception area where we said goodbye to our mother. Candice was already crying and grabbing onto Mother’s arm. Tears erupted and I started to bawl; again I pleaded with Mother to not leave us there, to no avail. Mother kissed us and said goodbye and left.
The tears and sobbing started to escalate; June took me by the arm and pulled me over to the wall. Once again, she assumed the mommy role. I felt embarrassed and tried to stop crying and catch my breath. June pulled Candice over also and told both of us, “Look we’ll stick together. I’ll take care of you. We’ll get through this, if we look at it as an adventure.”
The next day we learned that there were two playgrounds, and a fence that separated the boys' side from the girls' side. The boy’s side had far better playground equipment such as swings and monkey bars. Once a week the girls were allowed to go over to the boy’s side to visit and play.
On Monday, there were school buses waiting outside to take us to school. All of the girls and boys filed onto the bus like a bunch of cattle. I only felt sadness and disappointment as we were being taken to a school we didn’t know anything about, and didn’t know any of the kids.
After many nights of crying myself to sleep, the three of us girls made a couple of friends each. June even acquired a boyfriend. They spent as much time as possible together whenever we were allowed over into the boys' yard. One day her boyfriend went home and June cried her eyes out every night. It was very evident that she had fallen hard for this boy, and it had left a hole in her heart.
I found myself many evenings after dinner, finding comfort on the swings in our play yard. I tried to mask my disappointment by imagining this other life I could have. I would be the last one out on the playground swinging while singing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” As I gazed up at the stars, the fireflies blinked and the crickets made their sound. It seemed like a code telling me that there was more to life than what I could see. I felt flickers of strange, deep, dreamlike emotions come over me, and just at that very moment something touched my forehead like a breeze. It occurred to me that it could be an angel trying to tell me something. Could this be the beginning of my search for meaning? I was hungry to know what this other life could be. Who am I, and what am I here to do? This can’t be all there is to life, otherwise I don’t want to be here.
Although I was resentful that Mother had left us girls here, I prayed every night that we could go home. Finally, my prayers were answered, the snow was gone, spring was here and school was out. There was hope in the air.
To order the book click here:
To order the book click here:
